i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
