The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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