Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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