capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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