There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
