Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
