Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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