she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
