Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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