I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
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I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
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This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize