Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize