I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
