Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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