and you said cock pushups were impossible
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
