It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
