I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
