I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
