i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
