I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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