hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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