Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
