i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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