i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
