Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
