A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
