College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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