his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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