LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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