Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
