Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
