Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
