Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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