I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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