Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
