he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just want to make out with him forever
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
