he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
