Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
