Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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