its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you had me at cake vodka
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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