I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
