I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
