I feel like abortions should bother me more
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
