My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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