In the future we'll all be gay
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
