That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
