Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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