R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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