The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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