I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
