Don't make out with my wife yet
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
