I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
