i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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