i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
