im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
