Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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