Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
