He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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