your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Text me some of your sweat
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
