You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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