is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
