.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
