dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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