1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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