i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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