I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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