it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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