i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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