I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
