the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
