a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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