Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
