Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
