I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
