I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
