I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
