did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
